Today is one of those days where I really hate to admit it, but I really need help {i.e. this move IS a good thing}.
Maxy woke early, crying. He's also learnt to bang the wall to get attention. It just happens to be the wall that separates our bedrooms so it has maximum impact.
I'd run out of meds on Saturday and knew I had to run to the chemist before swimming and get my script filled. Just awesome with two kids, one who is refusing to be held anymore but can't stand up.
Nik must have sensed it as he left his empty pain killer box on my purse as if to say 'oh you know, just while you are passing'. Yeah, so simple. Did I mention I was on a huge come-down from my meds? The type that leaves my head spinning, mouth dry and mood somewhere between homicidal and suicidal?
Wrangled the kids in and out of the chemist and somehow had half an hour to kill before swimming lessons. Do I A) go early and get a park without stressing out over time; or B) go get a drive through coffee and risk running stupidly late, just adding more pressure to the morning. I like living dangerously so went with B. Coffee in hand, off to swimming.
It bloody pissed down.
The carpark at the Sports Centre is always busy but this morning a local school had a camp there so all the parents in their big 4WD's took up all the parking spots while I just sat with my indicator on hoping some poor mother would run through the downpour and pull out of a spot right next to me. After missing oh, at least 8 spots due to propping on the wrong side of the carpark, I did some manic hand gestures to a woman who was about to steal my spot. 3 minutes to spare. Winning.
Naturally Chloe didn't want to be at swimming and wouldn't sit still, wouldn't kick and paddle and generally acted up the whole class. I got supershitty when I noticed that a few of the kids in her class were lining up to go in the next class instead, having graduated to independent swimming classes (I've had Chlo assessed that many times and they still haven't let her move up. Not happy.) Maxy decided to cry again so between the two, I only just made it through the half hour lesson and back out when it started pissing down again. Chloe was running around, stopping in front of the pram so I could run her over and generally being a little shit. I vagued out for two seconds then WHACK over she goes. She slipped over and whacked her head straight on the concrete pavers much to the shock of all the old water aerobics ladies who were coming in.
There was a terrible silence. (Thank you Mem).
Bad Mother Moment #1
Instead of rushing to her aid, I screamed bloody murder "I &%$ TOLD YOU NOT TO RUN!!!!!" Fuck. Gave her a cuddle, assessed any serious head injury. The staff asked told me it was slippery there (no shit love) and offered an ice pack. I grumbled something about just trying to get the fuck out to the car and stormed off, Chloe under one arm, Maxy crying in the pram, out to the bloody fucking carpark that was underwater by this stage.
Thankfully her head is ok and I made up for it with lots of kisses and cuddles. Poor Minky.
And of course Bad Mother Moment #2 of the day had to come. I left Maxy crying for nearly an hour in his cot. Absolutely. Screaming. I went in a few times and gave him a cuddle but the majority of the time I sat here, staring at my stoopid Windows 8 and wishing to god I had someone here that could take over so I could just breathe for a minute.
He's asleep now. It's peaceful. I hope the afternoon is better.
ETA - I never did go back to swimming lessons.... Total wuss!
